How often have you read something like this?
Its a challenge for the creative marketers to avoid much of the hyperbolic terminology, and for writers to avoid regurgitating this drivel.
Lou Cipher has left Stony Goose Ridge to become export manager of Australia’s second largest DIY funeral company. New Stony Goose Ridge CEO Hector Lannible (former Marketing Manager of Acme Keyhole Manufacturing) says “Lou’s legacy is a wine that truly stands out from the pack. As we expected, it’s selling gangbusters- like hot cakes. Whether at your fine wine retailer, or superior restaurant, ask for it by name”.
2015 Stony Goose Ridge Winemaker’s SGR Special Classic Chairman’s Centenary Triple Crown best barriques Anzac Limited Edition Show night-harvest Reward Super Premium minimal handling Deluxe Estate Range Phar Lap Foundation “s” Collection smooth cool climate Exclusive Fine Museum Badgeholders International Print Art Series hand-picked Proprietor’s Exceptional jewel Quality lost Jumbuck Splendid Autumn Charity Grand Slam old Lone Gumtree Hill long drought Ancestral bold Rare Merit boutique Executive Choice low Sulphur Legendary Apex 5 Generations Custom Masters spur-pruned Flagship Federation foot-stamped Partners Anniversary Mount Saint Bruce Ironstone Bespoke Genuine small batch Supreme Family blessed Elemental Hommage Collectors Stampede deep Red Carpet surprise Cuvee individual Heritage clones DV8/XS2 Vintage Extra Gold Cup Broken Fence basket press Prime Export Grade Millennium Proud Dream Team Signature accountant’s fright Patriarch’s Ultimate Personal Ultra Garagiste Reserve Prize Bin 666 Crowleys’ Own high altitude Ancient dry creek snake gully Home Single Block Q Devil’s Derelict crooked rows bush vine Royal Cellar d’or Commemorative Alluvial reef Vicar’s Graveyard Memorial Hero Celebration Printers Errata miracle Great Champion Secret Wisdom double frosted Match Race Podium non-irrigated Superior Sailor’s Ghost extremely low yield Pioneer imperial Opal Terroir Squatters’ awesome destiny Black Velvet ungrafted Summit Billabong Label Traditional method Unfiltered Select Private Pinnacle Icon Eureka Stockade barrel-fermented wild yeast Synergistic Grenache/Mourvedre.
(RRP $9.95)
Source: https://sweetworldwines.com/2016/03/31/ ... y-preview/
News from Stony Goose Ridge
News from Stony Goose Ridge
Last edited by Ozzie W on Fri Apr 01, 2016 2:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Reminds me of this one :
2005 “The Nackers” Special Reserve Cabernet
Bench-pressed red fruits and intense black currant seer the nostril hairs before pre-empting a HUGE cherry/berry/plum fruit palate supported by big, grippy, astringent tannins and illegally big alcohol on a 15 minute finish which threatens to close down the throat... About as varietal as Duck Muck.
Rated 120/100 by RPJ...Don’t drink unless you are strapped into a game-fishing chair and you've made a will.
2005 “The Nackers” Special Reserve Cabernet
Bench-pressed red fruits and intense black currant seer the nostril hairs before pre-empting a HUGE cherry/berry/plum fruit palate supported by big, grippy, astringent tannins and illegally big alcohol on a 15 minute finish which threatens to close down the throat... About as varietal as Duck Muck.
Rated 120/100 by RPJ...Don’t drink unless you are strapped into a game-fishing chair and you've made a will.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
More breaking news:
Scientists at the Royal Botanic Gardens will today announce that they have mixed the DNA from a coffee plant with that of a Shiraz grape vine to produce a hybrid that could in the future see viniculture in the Hunter Valley replaced by coffee production due to the impact of climate change. The coffee beans will grow on vine-sized bushes which will mean that the crop can be gathered without the need to replace costly machinery already in place for mechanised harvesting of grapes.
Scientists at the Royal Botanic Gardens will today announce that they have mixed the DNA from a coffee plant with that of a Shiraz grape vine to produce a hybrid that could in the future see viniculture in the Hunter Valley replaced by coffee production due to the impact of climate change. The coffee beans will grow on vine-sized bushes which will mean that the crop can be gathered without the need to replace costly machinery already in place for mechanised harvesting of grapes.
------------------------------------
Sam
Sam
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Stoney Goose Ridge new release – Lawyers’ Picnic.
CEO Hector Lannible stated “we salute the true pioneers and creators, those happy few who have given so much to so many. Lawyers. Our company depends on their endeavours, whether prosecuting those with the temerity to use our trademarks, the inevitable disputes on our numerous cunning contracts, taking on those who defile us in social media, detailing our innovative cutting-edge employment contracts, and establishing and amplifying the complex structures underpinning our taxation minimisation strategies. They fight in numerous jurisdictions at many levels, appealing on the slightest pretext. And it’s a new, bold start – we proudly continue our tradition of a curated back label for our latest creation.”
“Their detractors just set up a smokescreen of red herrings – a storm in a teacup, literally. But the circus having writ, moves on”.
“We celebrate the true defenders of our financial institutions against the greed of widows, orphans, and the terminally ill. We applaud their unpopular but critical roles in protecting the rights of pharmaceutical, tobacco, gaming, utility, mining and oil companies, property developers and the multinationals to avoid tax through entirely legitimate use of labyrinthine multiple off-shore entities. And their tireless protection of the rights of individuals, their family trusts, negative gearing and so on. I commend their tireless undertakings to liquidate companies with the painstaking assistance of forensic accountants, and their ability to create phoenix companies for a meagre pittance. Their technical prowess enables our success. Lawyers - long may their baffling efforts continue”.
Lawyers Picnic is a limited release wine with a RRP of $19.95.
The informative back label follows.
Lawyers’ Picnic- A blend of red grape varieties from premium areas of Australia. 13.9% A/v
Mea culpa, mens rea corpus delecti, cogito ergo sum ad hoc pro bono.
Inter alia, force majeure ad nauseum.
Bona fide caveat emptor, compos mentis de facto ex cathedra in flagrante delicto, persona non grata lingua franca; locus dictum prima facie quasi obiter nisi quantum status quo habeas.
Sub judice sui generis de novo ultra vires.
From my wine blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/
CEO Hector Lannible stated “we salute the true pioneers and creators, those happy few who have given so much to so many. Lawyers. Our company depends on their endeavours, whether prosecuting those with the temerity to use our trademarks, the inevitable disputes on our numerous cunning contracts, taking on those who defile us in social media, detailing our innovative cutting-edge employment contracts, and establishing and amplifying the complex structures underpinning our taxation minimisation strategies. They fight in numerous jurisdictions at many levels, appealing on the slightest pretext. And it’s a new, bold start – we proudly continue our tradition of a curated back label for our latest creation.”
“Their detractors just set up a smokescreen of red herrings – a storm in a teacup, literally. But the circus having writ, moves on”.
“We celebrate the true defenders of our financial institutions against the greed of widows, orphans, and the terminally ill. We applaud their unpopular but critical roles in protecting the rights of pharmaceutical, tobacco, gaming, utility, mining and oil companies, property developers and the multinationals to avoid tax through entirely legitimate use of labyrinthine multiple off-shore entities. And their tireless protection of the rights of individuals, their family trusts, negative gearing and so on. I commend their tireless undertakings to liquidate companies with the painstaking assistance of forensic accountants, and their ability to create phoenix companies for a meagre pittance. Their technical prowess enables our success. Lawyers - long may their baffling efforts continue”.
Lawyers Picnic is a limited release wine with a RRP of $19.95.
The informative back label follows.
Lawyers’ Picnic- A blend of red grape varieties from premium areas of Australia. 13.9% A/v
Mea culpa, mens rea corpus delecti, cogito ergo sum ad hoc pro bono.
Inter alia, force majeure ad nauseum.
Bona fide caveat emptor, compos mentis de facto ex cathedra in flagrante delicto, persona non grata lingua franca; locus dictum prima facie quasi obiter nisi quantum status quo habeas.
Sub judice sui generis de novo ultra vires.
From my wine blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Stoney Goose Ridge new release – Hipster’s Reward®
Hector Lannible, CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge presents the latest wine from this progressive company.
Use it or lose it. 2016 Hipster’s Reward® is another new wine in our world-beating portfolio. This is an entirely natural, “orange” wine. Except that orange doesn’t do the wine justice, It’s very dark, slightly cloudy and fascinatingly petillant. Another slam-dunk hole-in-one from Stoney Goose Ridge!
This wine was no accident. One of our winemakers was relieved of his duties for completely understandable but persistent over-indulgence of our company’s numerous fine products. The consequence was that necessary preparations were incomplete, and the orange wine is the result of benign neglect. No additions - machine harvested Palomino, Trebbiano and Gordo on a fruit day, bottled on a flower day. Many companies would dispatch the wine for distillation, but Stoney Goose Ridge is much more alert to commercial potential. We push the envelope outside the square. For this knockout wine, we stepped up to the plate and kicked a winning goal.
Depending on domestic take-up frenzy, we anticipate significant export potential into the ongoing future time-frame period.
Our orange wine is proudly green- the bottle is recyclable, the label is made from Australian hemp, the seal is natural cork, topped with beeswax.
We’ve snookered the competition, and hit them for six.
We don’t care about critics except when they blow our trombone, but Hipster’s Reward® has already been blogged about locally by Jane Holliday, Jenson Olivier, Helen Hook, Maxine Ellen, Nic Stork, Cam Madison, Tom White, Gary Welch and Philip Ritchie, and internationally by Janice Robertson, Robin Parkin, and Tom Akton. Stoney Goose Ridge smashes another touchdown, redoubled in spades.
When we hit the bullseye, the dominoes fall like a pack of cards. Game, set and match– checkmate!
2016 Hipster’s Reward® is available now with an RRP of $16.95, and the definitive classic crafted SGR back label is appended below.
Not drygrown, no additions, indigenous yeast, au naturel.
Unfined, unfiltered, feng shui bottled.
Recyclable bottle, natural cork, biodegradable hemp label, beeswax.
MSG free, gluten free, GM free, no milk or nut traces.
Suitable for vegans. Carbon offset.
Drink in modulation.
From my wine blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/
Hector Lannible, CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge presents the latest wine from this progressive company.
Use it or lose it. 2016 Hipster’s Reward® is another new wine in our world-beating portfolio. This is an entirely natural, “orange” wine. Except that orange doesn’t do the wine justice, It’s very dark, slightly cloudy and fascinatingly petillant. Another slam-dunk hole-in-one from Stoney Goose Ridge!
This wine was no accident. One of our winemakers was relieved of his duties for completely understandable but persistent over-indulgence of our company’s numerous fine products. The consequence was that necessary preparations were incomplete, and the orange wine is the result of benign neglect. No additions - machine harvested Palomino, Trebbiano and Gordo on a fruit day, bottled on a flower day. Many companies would dispatch the wine for distillation, but Stoney Goose Ridge is much more alert to commercial potential. We push the envelope outside the square. For this knockout wine, we stepped up to the plate and kicked a winning goal.
Depending on domestic take-up frenzy, we anticipate significant export potential into the ongoing future time-frame period.
Our orange wine is proudly green- the bottle is recyclable, the label is made from Australian hemp, the seal is natural cork, topped with beeswax.
We’ve snookered the competition, and hit them for six.
We don’t care about critics except when they blow our trombone, but Hipster’s Reward® has already been blogged about locally by Jane Holliday, Jenson Olivier, Helen Hook, Maxine Ellen, Nic Stork, Cam Madison, Tom White, Gary Welch and Philip Ritchie, and internationally by Janice Robertson, Robin Parkin, and Tom Akton. Stoney Goose Ridge smashes another touchdown, redoubled in spades.
When we hit the bullseye, the dominoes fall like a pack of cards. Game, set and match– checkmate!
2016 Hipster’s Reward® is available now with an RRP of $16.95, and the definitive classic crafted SGR back label is appended below.
Not drygrown, no additions, indigenous yeast, au naturel.
Unfined, unfiltered, feng shui bottled.
Recyclable bottle, natural cork, biodegradable hemp label, beeswax.
MSG free, gluten free, GM free, no milk or nut traces.
Suitable for vegans. Carbon offset.
Drink in modulation.
From my wine blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Is it August 1st or April 1st?? 
Cheers
Craig
Cheers
Craig
Tomorrow will be a good day
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
I thought a lawyer's picnic was Legal Aid!
http://www.robkennedy.gallery
https://www.instagram.com/rob_kennedy_art/
https://www.instagram.com/rob_kennedy_art/
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Another year over; a new one just begun
An exclusive internal email from Hector Lannible, CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge.
“In this holiday season, it’s timely to introspect and reflect, after a frenetic year’s inspirational leadership of Stoney Goose Ridge.
Once again, we’ve achieved double digit growth in sales, our stock market performance excelled, and more importantly we have improved our ROI. We’ve won countless medals at prestigious wine shows, numerous advertising, promotional and media awards,, plus the critical and business press naturally applauds our efforts. Our social media ratings are through the stratosphere, new export markets have been conquered, and traditional markets blitzed. And apart from my essential guidance and 24/7 oversight, this could not have been accomplished without the competence and commitment of my underlings.
For example, just this year we've launched our instant runaway successes of Lawyers' Picnic, and Hipster's Reward, plus rejuvenated and revitalised all our PLU SKU offerings.
Both within Australia and abroad, the many fine Stoney Goose Ridge products are welcome at any occasion- hatches, matches and dispatches. Plus of course anniversaries, celebrations, casual and formal meals, BBQs, and so on whether alone, in couples, small, medium and large groups.
We celebrate the successes of our winningest sales teams; not just our newest Thunderbirds, Rattlers, Orioles, Grizzlies, Swifts and Sidewinders; we’re excited about the performance of traditional long-standing true-blue dinky-di Aussie teams- Dingoes, Macadamias, Koala bears, Wombats, Gumnuts, Copperheads, Lamingtons, and Brumbies.
We reflect on our actions; our commitment to core KPI competencies engendering our highly rewarding bonuses; plus our attention to our necessary soft measures. Our recruitment strategies and ongoing skill development are uniquely admired throughout multiple industries. None would be possible without the scribes that filter and elaborate my illuminating utterances. The contribution from my family is of course essential.
But of course we don’t pause; we face the transformational challenges of this millennium, we march into 2017- refreshed and revitalized- with a critical mission; Stoney Goose Ridge will naturally prevail; my new year’s resolution is to go beyond and above, challenging myself to contribute, again, 120% of my endeavors, This will be a tough audacious goal, but I am confident that with my abilities, and support from my direct reports and sales creatures, my ambitions will be managed.
I am confident you will achieve your own targets magnificently, with ensuing consequent potential recognition.
Good cheer to all, with my blessings, Hector”.
An exclusive internal email from Hector Lannible, CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge.
“In this holiday season, it’s timely to introspect and reflect, after a frenetic year’s inspirational leadership of Stoney Goose Ridge.
Once again, we’ve achieved double digit growth in sales, our stock market performance excelled, and more importantly we have improved our ROI. We’ve won countless medals at prestigious wine shows, numerous advertising, promotional and media awards,, plus the critical and business press naturally applauds our efforts. Our social media ratings are through the stratosphere, new export markets have been conquered, and traditional markets blitzed. And apart from my essential guidance and 24/7 oversight, this could not have been accomplished without the competence and commitment of my underlings.
For example, just this year we've launched our instant runaway successes of Lawyers' Picnic, and Hipster's Reward, plus rejuvenated and revitalised all our PLU SKU offerings.
Both within Australia and abroad, the many fine Stoney Goose Ridge products are welcome at any occasion- hatches, matches and dispatches. Plus of course anniversaries, celebrations, casual and formal meals, BBQs, and so on whether alone, in couples, small, medium and large groups.
We celebrate the successes of our winningest sales teams; not just our newest Thunderbirds, Rattlers, Orioles, Grizzlies, Swifts and Sidewinders; we’re excited about the performance of traditional long-standing true-blue dinky-di Aussie teams- Dingoes, Macadamias, Koala bears, Wombats, Gumnuts, Copperheads, Lamingtons, and Brumbies.
We reflect on our actions; our commitment to core KPI competencies engendering our highly rewarding bonuses; plus our attention to our necessary soft measures. Our recruitment strategies and ongoing skill development are uniquely admired throughout multiple industries. None would be possible without the scribes that filter and elaborate my illuminating utterances. The contribution from my family is of course essential.
But of course we don’t pause; we face the transformational challenges of this millennium, we march into 2017- refreshed and revitalized- with a critical mission; Stoney Goose Ridge will naturally prevail; my new year’s resolution is to go beyond and above, challenging myself to contribute, again, 120% of my endeavors, This will be a tough audacious goal, but I am confident that with my abilities, and support from my direct reports and sales creatures, my ambitions will be managed.
I am confident you will achieve your own targets magnificently, with ensuing consequent potential recognition.
Good cheer to all, with my blessings, Hector”.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
FYI- Hector Lannible's (Stoney Goose Ridge) newest (fictional) release "Chamsecco" is on my blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/.
Its quite long! so just a tiny extract.....
"everyone loves Champagne; and ice-cold Prosecco is ultra-hot. But Stoney Goose Ridge now has a truly bold mash-up of the best of both worlds – Chamsecco®. Chamsecco® is our tribute to these winning international sparkling styles. It’s easy to pronounce, easy on the gullet, and importantly, easy on the purse.
"We guarantee that our target demographic cohort will lap it up, especially with our viral kick-starter social media blitz frenzy flash campaigns
"Stoney Goose Ridge has another runaway hit success with a bullet on the sales charts with Chamsecco® – the feel-good instant party starter”.
Its quite long! so just a tiny extract.....
"everyone loves Champagne; and ice-cold Prosecco is ultra-hot. But Stoney Goose Ridge now has a truly bold mash-up of the best of both worlds – Chamsecco®. Chamsecco® is our tribute to these winning international sparkling styles. It’s easy to pronounce, easy on the gullet, and importantly, easy on the purse.
"We guarantee that our target demographic cohort will lap it up, especially with our viral kick-starter social media blitz frenzy flash campaigns
"Stoney Goose Ridge has another runaway hit success with a bullet on the sales charts with Chamsecco® – the feel-good instant party starter”.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
FYI- Hector Lannible's (Stoney Goose Ridge) newest (fictional) release "Brosé" is on my blog at https://sweetworldwines.com.
A brief extract....
"It’s Brosé, our smashable, super sessionable sensation. Ponder and dwell on the representative attributes of its name; it hints at Rosé, it alludes to brotherhood, it implies foreign mysteries, it suggests Bromance- wonderful, creative, distinctive, subtle. Brosé. So much content and mystique in such a power-packed inspirational trending brand-name -wow!”
“And be aware, Stoney Goose Ridge has plenty of exciting wine products coming soon in the pipeline up our sleeve”.
“Brosé – not just for men!”
A brief extract....
"It’s Brosé, our smashable, super sessionable sensation. Ponder and dwell on the representative attributes of its name; it hints at Rosé, it alludes to brotherhood, it implies foreign mysteries, it suggests Bromance- wonderful, creative, distinctive, subtle. Brosé. So much content and mystique in such a power-packed inspirational trending brand-name -wow!”
“And be aware, Stoney Goose Ridge has plenty of exciting wine products coming soon in the pipeline up our sleeve”.
“Brosé – not just for men!”
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Stoney Goose Ridge's latest twin release "Emoh Ruo" is on my blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/
an extract....
“Emoh Ruo” has its origins completely founded in mystery; is it derived from one of the unique Aboriginal languages? Is it a relic from one of the many obscure dialects spoken by our numerous migrants? What does it mean? Linguists and cryptographers are baffled. How has this historic phrase infiltrated across the Australian nation, from outback to suburbia? It resonates powerfully.
But whatever the pedigree, we’ve proudly adopted this memorable, essentially dinkum true-blue Aussie vernacular; for those occasions where a quality wine is mandatory but the budget has to be tempered; Emoh Ruo Wild Paddock Red; and Emoh Ruo Open Plains White fit magically into the casual Australian life-style zeitgeist. Stoney Goose Ridge has repeatedly shouldered the burden to nail the mark.
Emoh Ruo adds to the corporate lustre of Stoney Goose Ridge and slots incisively into our carefully positioned suite of beverage product offerings.
Emoh Ruo Wild Paddock Red; and Emoh Ruo Open Plains White are available with an RRP of $7.95.
an extract....
“Emoh Ruo” has its origins completely founded in mystery; is it derived from one of the unique Aboriginal languages? Is it a relic from one of the many obscure dialects spoken by our numerous migrants? What does it mean? Linguists and cryptographers are baffled. How has this historic phrase infiltrated across the Australian nation, from outback to suburbia? It resonates powerfully.
But whatever the pedigree, we’ve proudly adopted this memorable, essentially dinkum true-blue Aussie vernacular; for those occasions where a quality wine is mandatory but the budget has to be tempered; Emoh Ruo Wild Paddock Red; and Emoh Ruo Open Plains White fit magically into the casual Australian life-style zeitgeist. Stoney Goose Ridge has repeatedly shouldered the burden to nail the mark.
Emoh Ruo adds to the corporate lustre of Stoney Goose Ridge and slots incisively into our carefully positioned suite of beverage product offerings.
Emoh Ruo Wild Paddock Red; and Emoh Ruo Open Plains White are available with an RRP of $7.95.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Stoney Goose Ridge's new craft beer releases are now on my blog at https://sweetworldwines.com/
an extract...
At Stoney Goose Ridge, we don’t just keep an eye on market trends; our data-crunching tragics obsess with finding nimble opportunities to boost our profitability and add significantly to my bonus.
One salient trend has been growth in the “craft beer” market, which has displaced some of the traditional beer brands. With much of our own outrageously expensive industrial equipment being critically underutilised at certain times of the year, our array of book-keepers, accountants, and auditors wanted stern action.
And so, after trialling our creations with demographic disciplinary forensic fervour, we are fully ready with four new products that will take their righteous place in the elite pantheon of crafty beers.
There is little need to dwell on their technical or sensory characters; the most important efforts went into nomenclature and packaging, the incisive media campaigns and multifocal uplift sales incentives. Here’s the roll-call of soon-to-be household names;
• One Tasty Blonde
• Bullant Lager
• Brett’s Ale
• Seasonal Smashable.
So that’s the first four Stoney Goose Ridge beers launched, with more waiting in the wings, plus a cider in progress; we can’t let apples lie fallow when the market gate price is so low. They are itching to be plucked, and fermentised into a life-style brewed fluid. And we’re pondering timings to introduce waters, teas and other ever-healthy non-alcoholic alternatives. And did I mention spirits – whoops- oh what a giveaway!!
an extract...
At Stoney Goose Ridge, we don’t just keep an eye on market trends; our data-crunching tragics obsess with finding nimble opportunities to boost our profitability and add significantly to my bonus.
One salient trend has been growth in the “craft beer” market, which has displaced some of the traditional beer brands. With much of our own outrageously expensive industrial equipment being critically underutilised at certain times of the year, our array of book-keepers, accountants, and auditors wanted stern action.
And so, after trialling our creations with demographic disciplinary forensic fervour, we are fully ready with four new products that will take their righteous place in the elite pantheon of crafty beers.
There is little need to dwell on their technical or sensory characters; the most important efforts went into nomenclature and packaging, the incisive media campaigns and multifocal uplift sales incentives. Here’s the roll-call of soon-to-be household names;
• One Tasty Blonde
• Bullant Lager
• Brett’s Ale
• Seasonal Smashable.
So that’s the first four Stoney Goose Ridge beers launched, with more waiting in the wings, plus a cider in progress; we can’t let apples lie fallow when the market gate price is so low. They are itching to be plucked, and fermentised into a life-style brewed fluid. And we’re pondering timings to introduce waters, teas and other ever-healthy non-alcoholic alternatives. And did I mention spirits – whoops- oh what a giveaway!!
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Stoney Goose Ridge's new craft spirit releases are now on my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url]
an extract...
Stoney Goose Ridge debuts The Old Wood Duck, AND gives the world Two Fingers
Stoney Goose Ridge is at the leading edge cutting vanguard of innovating beverage creators; renowned as Australia’s most vibrant wine assembler; recently we moved decisively and winningly into the craft beer market; and today we pioneeringly debut two radically different alcohol-based beverages. I, Hector Lannible, took the reins to steer the ship of state full-tilt into the spirit world.
Our first creation is The Old Wood Duck Vodka. It’s colourless, odourless, subtly flavoured and packs a wicked kick. The bottle is mega-stylish, truly ne plus ultra, quid pro pro. Catch it and give it a spin.
The Old Wood Duck is our loving homage to the other vodka producers, inspired by our awe at their profitability margins and mark-ups. And take note of our use of the definite article. It’s not just any Old Wood Duck, it’s The Old Wood Duck.
And now as a further legacy, Stoney Goose Ridge gives the world Two Fingers. Two Fingers Gin.
We obtained the top-secret formulaic recipe from a distinguished military veteran - its ingredients include 11 different herbs and spices – and although I’m not meant to help our competitors, I will reveal that one botanical component is juniper. I’ve let the cat out of the bag among the pigeons, out of its shell and straight into the china shop. No need to tread gingerly, the hypermodern lifestyle taste speaks for itself.
We’ve turned the aromatics up to 11; pronounced top notes, a smooth defined middle and a punchy bass - indeed a symphony. It rocks!
Again we will triumph with these boutique hand-crafted limited-batch beauties, which will sell in droves of proverbial gang-busting hot cakes, providing joie de vivre to the max, and the masses.
The Old Wood Duck, and sublime Two Fingers Gin join the family panoply of product proudly produced by professional practitioners. Personally parcelled persuasive portable POS paraphernalia will be profusely provided provisionally, pending potent promotional process performance partnership purchase plans.
Stoney Goose Ridge’s spirits will displace the puny pretenders, and grace any situation with the characteristic panache and aplomb already familiar through our existing multitudinous beers and exemplary wines.
Drink responsibly in moderation – drink Stoney Goose Ridge!
an extract...
Stoney Goose Ridge debuts The Old Wood Duck, AND gives the world Two Fingers
Stoney Goose Ridge is at the leading edge cutting vanguard of innovating beverage creators; renowned as Australia’s most vibrant wine assembler; recently we moved decisively and winningly into the craft beer market; and today we pioneeringly debut two radically different alcohol-based beverages. I, Hector Lannible, took the reins to steer the ship of state full-tilt into the spirit world.
Our first creation is The Old Wood Duck Vodka. It’s colourless, odourless, subtly flavoured and packs a wicked kick. The bottle is mega-stylish, truly ne plus ultra, quid pro pro. Catch it and give it a spin.
The Old Wood Duck is our loving homage to the other vodka producers, inspired by our awe at their profitability margins and mark-ups. And take note of our use of the definite article. It’s not just any Old Wood Duck, it’s The Old Wood Duck.
And now as a further legacy, Stoney Goose Ridge gives the world Two Fingers. Two Fingers Gin.
We obtained the top-secret formulaic recipe from a distinguished military veteran - its ingredients include 11 different herbs and spices – and although I’m not meant to help our competitors, I will reveal that one botanical component is juniper. I’ve let the cat out of the bag among the pigeons, out of its shell and straight into the china shop. No need to tread gingerly, the hypermodern lifestyle taste speaks for itself.
We’ve turned the aromatics up to 11; pronounced top notes, a smooth defined middle and a punchy bass - indeed a symphony. It rocks!
Again we will triumph with these boutique hand-crafted limited-batch beauties, which will sell in droves of proverbial gang-busting hot cakes, providing joie de vivre to the max, and the masses.
The Old Wood Duck, and sublime Two Fingers Gin join the family panoply of product proudly produced by professional practitioners. Personally parcelled persuasive portable POS paraphernalia will be profusely provided provisionally, pending potent promotional process performance partnership purchase plans.
Stoney Goose Ridge’s spirits will displace the puny pretenders, and grace any situation with the characteristic panache and aplomb already familiar through our existing multitudinous beers and exemplary wines.
Drink responsibly in moderation – drink Stoney Goose Ridge!
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Stoney Goose Ridge CEO Hector Lannible's latest message is now on my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url], an extract follows.....
My annual message to suppliers, staff, and customers is clear – have a merry non-denominational seasonal festivity.
Another breathtaking fiscal year is almost over, and I’m blessed that my well -deserved bonus will be sumptuous, reflecting a year of extra-ordinary achievements; the culmination of extensive and rigorous debates with the Board, the executive remuneration committee and my personal legal representatives. Truly, the bucks stop with me.
Stoney Goose Ridge has won many national and international awards – just a few highlights
Best social and new media campaign alignment strategies -Pure Blondette red wine- Thailand
Best innovative adhesive wine packaging -Emoh Ruo- Hong Kong
Platinum medallion for Pantone synergy wine labelling -Brosé - Venezuela
Enormous traction with our SEO and SEM performance
Record hits on my TED talk on “the China syndrome”
Best new beverage brand performance (wine) – Chamsecco® – Venice
Best new beverage brand performance (spirits) – The old Wood Duck vodka – St Petersburg
Best new beverage brand (beer) – Seasonable Smashable - Geelong
But at Stoney Goose Ridge we don’t rest. Our staff commit fully- or else. I give 120% of my intellectual prowess and expect no less from my underlings and minions.
We plan ahead; in 2018 expect new products, new markets, and new ventures (even a cookbook is in progress). On a personal note, I acknowledge I can’t do it all; the commitment of my hand-picked executive team (I steer, they row), the support of my family, the care from my agent, PA, personal lawyer, media team, stylist and biographer.
Lastly, the enduring love from our customers for Stoney Goose Ridge is our greatest achievement; whether it’s from people reaching for our most basic entry-level wines, or the more sophisticated drinkers persuaded by our omni-channel approach to savour our premium, ultra-premium, hyper-premium, icon, uber, mega-rare and our myriad of other lifestyle segmented brands.
As a family oriented company, staff will recall that annual leave is inflicted by meddling regulators – make the most of it by seeking improvements in our logistics, contracts, brand performance and so on, and return fully refreshed for the marathon tasks that will be assigned, and your increased KPI BHAG challenges. My senses are hyper-alert to your actions, and any diminution in enthusiasm, output or innovation will be crushed with astonishing rigour. But my motivational mastery and incisive guidance will continue to inspire your performances.
Once again, congratulations to those that have had their contracts renewed for their contributions in 2017, and we set sail into the stratosphere of the nouveau calendar 2018.
Raise a glass to the growing domination of Stoney Goose Ridge!
Yours passionately, Hector
My annual message to suppliers, staff, and customers is clear – have a merry non-denominational seasonal festivity.
Another breathtaking fiscal year is almost over, and I’m blessed that my well -deserved bonus will be sumptuous, reflecting a year of extra-ordinary achievements; the culmination of extensive and rigorous debates with the Board, the executive remuneration committee and my personal legal representatives. Truly, the bucks stop with me.
Stoney Goose Ridge has won many national and international awards – just a few highlights
Best social and new media campaign alignment strategies -Pure Blondette red wine- Thailand
Best innovative adhesive wine packaging -Emoh Ruo- Hong Kong
Platinum medallion for Pantone synergy wine labelling -Brosé - Venezuela
Enormous traction with our SEO and SEM performance
Record hits on my TED talk on “the China syndrome”
Best new beverage brand performance (wine) – Chamsecco® – Venice
Best new beverage brand performance (spirits) – The old Wood Duck vodka – St Petersburg
Best new beverage brand (beer) – Seasonable Smashable - Geelong
But at Stoney Goose Ridge we don’t rest. Our staff commit fully- or else. I give 120% of my intellectual prowess and expect no less from my underlings and minions.
We plan ahead; in 2018 expect new products, new markets, and new ventures (even a cookbook is in progress). On a personal note, I acknowledge I can’t do it all; the commitment of my hand-picked executive team (I steer, they row), the support of my family, the care from my agent, PA, personal lawyer, media team, stylist and biographer.
Lastly, the enduring love from our customers for Stoney Goose Ridge is our greatest achievement; whether it’s from people reaching for our most basic entry-level wines, or the more sophisticated drinkers persuaded by our omni-channel approach to savour our premium, ultra-premium, hyper-premium, icon, uber, mega-rare and our myriad of other lifestyle segmented brands.
As a family oriented company, staff will recall that annual leave is inflicted by meddling regulators – make the most of it by seeking improvements in our logistics, contracts, brand performance and so on, and return fully refreshed for the marathon tasks that will be assigned, and your increased KPI BHAG challenges. My senses are hyper-alert to your actions, and any diminution in enthusiasm, output or innovation will be crushed with astonishing rigour. But my motivational mastery and incisive guidance will continue to inspire your performances.
Once again, congratulations to those that have had their contracts renewed for their contributions in 2017, and we set sail into the stratosphere of the nouveau calendar 2018.
Raise a glass to the growing domination of Stoney Goose Ridge!
Yours passionately, Hector
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Facts behind iconic Australian wine labels
Professor Albert Pedant (MA Hons- Lagos, PhD – Port-au-Prince) - from the online university of Woolloomooloo, has diligently researched the history of numerous Australian wine brands and labels. “Family and staff have often put a spin on history; but meticulous searches have shown much branding is a mixture of spin, myth, mischief and accident; my definitive conclusions are certain to disturb and dismay the establishment. No fake news or alternative facts here!”
Clonakilla
Long-claimed that Clonakilla refers to the name of Dr John Kirk’s Irish grandfather’s dairy farm my scholarship proves the name was inspired by the family’s shared love of watching World Championship wrestling on their TV. The stunning character of Killer Kowalski, and his trademark manoeuvres - the piledriver and Kowalski claw – stimulated much intense household study and emulation. There was also an protracted period when winemaker Tim (“Captain”) Kirk channelled the music of another “killer” - Jerry Lee Lewis – but with guitar rather than piano.
Clonakilla thus epitomises the Kirk clan’s hero worship and Tim’s secret ambition to become a professional wrestler. As chief winemaker, Tim’s career is probably a win for oenology, but a sad loss to the gladiatorial arts.
Much more, including the truth behind the origins of Para Port, Hill of Grace and Penfold’s Grange can be found at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com/[/url]
Professor Albert Pedant (MA Hons- Lagos, PhD – Port-au-Prince) - from the online university of Woolloomooloo, has diligently researched the history of numerous Australian wine brands and labels. “Family and staff have often put a spin on history; but meticulous searches have shown much branding is a mixture of spin, myth, mischief and accident; my definitive conclusions are certain to disturb and dismay the establishment. No fake news or alternative facts here!”
Clonakilla
Long-claimed that Clonakilla refers to the name of Dr John Kirk’s Irish grandfather’s dairy farm my scholarship proves the name was inspired by the family’s shared love of watching World Championship wrestling on their TV. The stunning character of Killer Kowalski, and his trademark manoeuvres - the piledriver and Kowalski claw – stimulated much intense household study and emulation. There was also an protracted period when winemaker Tim (“Captain”) Kirk channelled the music of another “killer” - Jerry Lee Lewis – but with guitar rather than piano.
Clonakilla thus epitomises the Kirk clan’s hero worship and Tim’s secret ambition to become a professional wrestler. As chief winemaker, Tim’s career is probably a win for oenology, but a sad loss to the gladiatorial arts.
Much more, including the truth behind the origins of Para Port, Hill of Grace and Penfold’s Grange can be found at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com/[/url]
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Overly colourful Hector Lannible, the CEO of Stoney Goose Ridge, has returned from his triumphs at Vinexpo 2018 in Hong Kong. He expands on opportunities and pitfalls; with some highlights from his keynote TED talk about successful wine business ventures “The China syndrome”.
With his usual array of mixed metaphors, clichés, braggadocio and literary erudition, it’s possible there are some meagre grains of truth in his observations that may provide transient moments of interest and amusement.
My erratic wine blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url] has the transcript.
With his usual array of mixed metaphors, clichés, braggadocio and literary erudition, it’s possible there are some meagre grains of truth in his observations that may provide transient moments of interest and amusement.
My erratic wine blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url] has the transcript.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
“At Stoney Goose Ridge, we are entirely fanatical about cutting costs. Imagine my outrage to discover an enormous cache of wine stored in an extremely vast tank!
Despite our meticulous forensic analytic endeavours, we were confounded with its origins. Truly it seemed we had bolted the stable door after the chickens had flown. But I rolled the dice, and came up trumps, smelling of roses. This can of worms really put the icing on the cake.
As CEO, I, Hector Lannible, don’t know the grape varieties involved; I cannot be certain of the vintage or vintages; even the areas where the grapes are from is a mystery. We do not know what treatments this wine experienced, or their timings. But we do know, thanks to my subsequent ninja blending cunning, that this is now a great wine.
I triumphantly debut Terra Nullius, respectfully showcasing this country’s heritage.
This red wine is a user-friendly 12.5%, with minimal tannins to diminish enjoyment. Indeed, we encourage people to drink responsibly by having at least one extra glass of this noble wine concoction. Any why not? Its berry flavours – derived from processed Australian grapes and transubstantiated into an exceptional alcoholic brew -will baffle the cognoscenti, and fulfil the neophyte.
Stoney Goose Ridge provides yet another phenomenal wine in its unique heritage pantheon that illustrates, respects and challenges the mythology of our mystical homeland antiquity – Terra Nullius”.
And a longer version of this fantasy is at my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url]
Despite our meticulous forensic analytic endeavours, we were confounded with its origins. Truly it seemed we had bolted the stable door after the chickens had flown. But I rolled the dice, and came up trumps, smelling of roses. This can of worms really put the icing on the cake.
As CEO, I, Hector Lannible, don’t know the grape varieties involved; I cannot be certain of the vintage or vintages; even the areas where the grapes are from is a mystery. We do not know what treatments this wine experienced, or their timings. But we do know, thanks to my subsequent ninja blending cunning, that this is now a great wine.
I triumphantly debut Terra Nullius, respectfully showcasing this country’s heritage.
This red wine is a user-friendly 12.5%, with minimal tannins to diminish enjoyment. Indeed, we encourage people to drink responsibly by having at least one extra glass of this noble wine concoction. Any why not? Its berry flavours – derived from processed Australian grapes and transubstantiated into an exceptional alcoholic brew -will baffle the cognoscenti, and fulfil the neophyte.
Stoney Goose Ridge provides yet another phenomenal wine in its unique heritage pantheon that illustrates, respects and challenges the mythology of our mystical homeland antiquity – Terra Nullius”.
And a longer version of this fantasy is at my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url]
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Hector Lanninible's most recent piece of Xmas "wisdom" is now on my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com/[/url]. As ever, full of hyperbole and marketing speak, much unfortunately drawn from corporate experience.
An abbreviated teaser follows....
"It’s easy to dwell on our triumphant successes of Stoney Goose Ridge; the record growth in sales, ebitda improvements, the dizzying diverse media adulations, new export markets, the multiple launches of new product such as Terra Nullius, assorted wine packaging, marketing campaign and labelling awards, and my own increasing profiled notoriety. Our prolific social media optimisation strategizing continues to befuddle our opposition, with their advocates ineffectively minuscule in influence, visibility and credibility. SEO and SEM are bleeding edge.
But I couldn’t have achieved these profound triumphs without my subordinate employees ready, willing and able to act on my numerous compelling insights, decisive actions and time-critical unflagging guidance. Truly, my hand-picked executives owe their bonuses (if any) to my expert micro-management. Yes there is a “me” in “team”, and obviously my own stratospheric performance has been deservedly magnificently remunerated.
Next year, Stoney Goose Ridge will continue to unveil innovative alcoholic beverage concepts and aggressively pursue double-digit momentum at a raw minimum. My opportunity lens is unshaken, aggressively leveraging domestic and international prospects continuously to allow Stoney Goose Ridge to double-down and move the needle forcefully.
To all our direct and indirect employees, agents, free-lancers, contractors, consultants, joint venture outworkers and partners, I wish you and your families a festively merry season, and may you return refreshed and enabled to put your best feet forward to the grindstone, offering your complete subjugation to my compelling vision.
In 2019, onwards to repetitive victories, your worthy leader - Hector".
An abbreviated teaser follows....
"It’s easy to dwell on our triumphant successes of Stoney Goose Ridge; the record growth in sales, ebitda improvements, the dizzying diverse media adulations, new export markets, the multiple launches of new product such as Terra Nullius, assorted wine packaging, marketing campaign and labelling awards, and my own increasing profiled notoriety. Our prolific social media optimisation strategizing continues to befuddle our opposition, with their advocates ineffectively minuscule in influence, visibility and credibility. SEO and SEM are bleeding edge.
But I couldn’t have achieved these profound triumphs without my subordinate employees ready, willing and able to act on my numerous compelling insights, decisive actions and time-critical unflagging guidance. Truly, my hand-picked executives owe their bonuses (if any) to my expert micro-management. Yes there is a “me” in “team”, and obviously my own stratospheric performance has been deservedly magnificently remunerated.
Next year, Stoney Goose Ridge will continue to unveil innovative alcoholic beverage concepts and aggressively pursue double-digit momentum at a raw minimum. My opportunity lens is unshaken, aggressively leveraging domestic and international prospects continuously to allow Stoney Goose Ridge to double-down and move the needle forcefully.
To all our direct and indirect employees, agents, free-lancers, contractors, consultants, joint venture outworkers and partners, I wish you and your families a festively merry season, and may you return refreshed and enabled to put your best feet forward to the grindstone, offering your complete subjugation to my compelling vision.
In 2019, onwards to repetitive victories, your worthy leader - Hector".
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Hector Lannible's most recent launch release is below. A - much- longer version is on my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com/[/url].
“Brainless, heartless, spineless, gutless, charmless and useless. I don’t publicly use these descriptions of my competitors, especially with an astonishingly great breaking new announcements, said CEO Hector Lannible.
Collectors boast of their “unicorn wines” - due to their cost, rarity or both. But Stoney Goose Ridge has the finest, most exclusive wine; artisanised through innovative proprietary technological wizardry. From Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot, it’s sourced from unique terroir, a particular block we call Area 51.
Crafted by our expert fashionistas, matured in superior oak, this wine will deservedly sell like wildfire, and impress the wine-writing toady freeloaders. No shortcuts, no marketing expense spared.
The 2017 Unicorn will literally last for centuries if cellared appropriately, providing a long-lasting legacy for future generations.
Vegan-friendly, and fully biogeneric, with RRP of AU$140, the Unicorn 2017 joins the stratospheric pantheon of upper echelon vinous beverages. And it tastes just magnificent. Stoney Goose Ridge triumphs once more!
For every bottle, we commit $1 to the Unicorn Funding Organisation (UFO), for habitat rejuvenation.
Available from 1 April, and sure to sell out on the same day, rush to your nearest fine wine boutique for your piece of the Unicorn”.
“Brainless, heartless, spineless, gutless, charmless and useless. I don’t publicly use these descriptions of my competitors, especially with an astonishingly great breaking new announcements, said CEO Hector Lannible.
Collectors boast of their “unicorn wines” - due to their cost, rarity or both. But Stoney Goose Ridge has the finest, most exclusive wine; artisanised through innovative proprietary technological wizardry. From Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot, it’s sourced from unique terroir, a particular block we call Area 51.
Crafted by our expert fashionistas, matured in superior oak, this wine will deservedly sell like wildfire, and impress the wine-writing toady freeloaders. No shortcuts, no marketing expense spared.
The 2017 Unicorn will literally last for centuries if cellared appropriately, providing a long-lasting legacy for future generations.
Vegan-friendly, and fully biogeneric, with RRP of AU$140, the Unicorn 2017 joins the stratospheric pantheon of upper echelon vinous beverages. And it tastes just magnificent. Stoney Goose Ridge triumphs once more!
For every bottle, we commit $1 to the Unicorn Funding Organisation (UFO), for habitat rejuvenation.
Available from 1 April, and sure to sell out on the same day, rush to your nearest fine wine boutique for your piece of the Unicorn”.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Hector Lannible's EOFY epistle is now on my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com/[/url].
A much abbreviated teaser follows
"Our bean-counters, auditors, accountants have been shedding the necessary blood, sweat, tears, midnight oil and intellectual stringency over the financial records from Stoney Goose Ridge and its allied associated entities throughout our essential domiciles including the Cayman islands, Belize, Cyprus and numerous other tax-effective locales.
My abilities are paramount to the Stoney Goose Ridge ongoing success saga. I am a proud advocate of the healthy benefits of alcohol -in moderation, and ultimately preferably exclusively from the exhaustive array of our products. What an exciting and challenging business- I love it! As well as beer and spirit line categories, wine is in my DNA and my blood.
And we are continuously active with new endeavours – Project Chernobyl will soon reach critical mass and bear fruit, Pegasus will launch and Project Android is beginning to efficiently impact headcount. Succession planning with Project Iron Throne continues.
Throughout the coming year, strive to emulate your executives, continually exercise your diligence and energy 24/7, and Stoney Goose Ridge’s sustained success is inevitable.
Your inspirational mentor and role model, Hector"
A much abbreviated teaser follows
"Our bean-counters, auditors, accountants have been shedding the necessary blood, sweat, tears, midnight oil and intellectual stringency over the financial records from Stoney Goose Ridge and its allied associated entities throughout our essential domiciles including the Cayman islands, Belize, Cyprus and numerous other tax-effective locales.
My abilities are paramount to the Stoney Goose Ridge ongoing success saga. I am a proud advocate of the healthy benefits of alcohol -in moderation, and ultimately preferably exclusively from the exhaustive array of our products. What an exciting and challenging business- I love it! As well as beer and spirit line categories, wine is in my DNA and my blood.
And we are continuously active with new endeavours – Project Chernobyl will soon reach critical mass and bear fruit, Pegasus will launch and Project Android is beginning to efficiently impact headcount. Succession planning with Project Iron Throne continues.
Throughout the coming year, strive to emulate your executives, continually exercise your diligence and energy 24/7, and Stoney Goose Ridge’s sustained success is inevitable.
Your inspirational mentor and role model, Hector"
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
A longer version of this release is on my blog at [url]https://sweetworldwines.com/[/url]
Stoney Goose Ridge releases Miraculous Maximus Technoplex®; RRP $15
There’s far too much overhyped flim-flam about natural wines; and their laid-back minimalist intervention philosophy. Stoney Goose Ridge was an early adopter with the phenomenal Hipsters Reward™.
Today we celebrate a wine with the quintessential embodied essence of technology – the Maximus. Vegan inimical, it displays the rewards of unleashed progress. Ahead of the curve, cutting, leading and bleeding edge.
Machine pruned and harvested (no organic or biodynamic grapes) using stainless steel tanks, roto-fermenters, air-bag presses, temperature control, inert gas cover, DAP, micro-ox, cultured yeasts, enzymes, added tannins, citric and tartaric acid, fining agents, membrane and cross-flow filtration. Parts pasteurized, some reverse osmosis. The entire kitbag of bells and whistles.
It’s in the expansive Stoney Goose Ridge masstige premiumisation portfolio, winning prestigous awards for offset carbon footprint measurement refinement.
Inspiring dynamic CEO Hector Lannible’s proven analytic sensory organoleptic flair adds the X, Y and Z factor that excites sommeliers, wine show judges, novice and seasoned drinkers. His vision and hands-on nano-management exertions translate extraordinary wines into monumental sale profitability metrics.
Australian consumers are the winners with another gratifying astonishment from restlessly creative Stoney Goose Ridge.
Miraculous Maximus Technoplex®; RRP $15
Stoney Goose Ridge releases Miraculous Maximus Technoplex®; RRP $15
There’s far too much overhyped flim-flam about natural wines; and their laid-back minimalist intervention philosophy. Stoney Goose Ridge was an early adopter with the phenomenal Hipsters Reward™.
Today we celebrate a wine with the quintessential embodied essence of technology – the Maximus. Vegan inimical, it displays the rewards of unleashed progress. Ahead of the curve, cutting, leading and bleeding edge.
Machine pruned and harvested (no organic or biodynamic grapes) using stainless steel tanks, roto-fermenters, air-bag presses, temperature control, inert gas cover, DAP, micro-ox, cultured yeasts, enzymes, added tannins, citric and tartaric acid, fining agents, membrane and cross-flow filtration. Parts pasteurized, some reverse osmosis. The entire kitbag of bells and whistles.
It’s in the expansive Stoney Goose Ridge masstige premiumisation portfolio, winning prestigous awards for offset carbon footprint measurement refinement.
Inspiring dynamic CEO Hector Lannible’s proven analytic sensory organoleptic flair adds the X, Y and Z factor that excites sommeliers, wine show judges, novice and seasoned drinkers. His vision and hands-on nano-management exertions translate extraordinary wines into monumental sale profitability metrics.
Australian consumers are the winners with another gratifying astonishment from restlessly creative Stoney Goose Ridge.
Miraculous Maximus Technoplex®; RRP $15
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Surely that name is a joke?scribbler wrote:Inspiring dynamic CEO Hector Lannible’s proven analytic sensory organoleptic flair adds the X, Y and Z factor that excites sommeliers, wine show judges, novice and seasoned drinkers. His vision and hands-on nano-management exertions translate extraordinary wines into monumental sale profitability metrics.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Guilty! Its all fiction.Surely that name is a joke?
Hector Lannible is a Spoonerism; you’ll find hyperbole, cliché, mixed metaphors, alliteration, tautology, literary references, and buckets of business and marketing buzzwords; sometimes with a dash of wine flavour. Hector, Stoney Goose Ridge (and more) is just an outlet for some of my fancies.
Hector is not a Donald Trump parody, but a composite displaying the worst traits of numerous managers I worked for and dealt with (especially their modesty); the press-type releases are- alas -not very stretched. At worst you’ve wasted a few minutes; but maybe you’ll find a phrase, opinion or attitude worth a wry smile.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
And how is this different from what we find on labels?scribbler wrote:Hector Lannible is a Spoonerism; you’ll find hyperbole, cliché, mixed metaphors, alliteration, tautology, literary references, and buckets of business and marketing buzzwords; sometimes with a dash of wine flavour.
I do enjoy the updates. They align with a newsletter we get from a guy who jetsets around the world on major infrastructure projects (that seemingly align with his triathlon and Iron Man calendar).
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Hector Lannible's latest epistle is below. A much longer version is at my blog [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url]
Hector Lannible’s 2019 EOY address to Stoney Goose Ridge staff
Striking examples of wines with “three letter acronym” names (TLA) include MSG (mourvedre/shiraz/grenache) and more recently the blend of Grenache, Shiraz and Tempranillo), GST.
Stoney Goose Ridge adds to this memorable pantheon with TCA - a fabulous blend of Touriga, Cabernet Sauvignon and Aglianico, matured in specially selected barrels. TCA - once tasted – never forgotten! Its striking, distinctive, idiosyncratic and unique, and just in time for the new year. Easy to pronounce, exotically perfumed, educational, and fantastically textured.
Several members of the wine-craft assembly unit had reservations with the proposed nomenclature, but were unable to convincingly articulate their contention, and their caution was resoundingly dismissed. Thus TCA came to fruition!
It’s certainly been a notable year; as well as the newest addition to our portfolio of TCA, we launched Miraculous Maximus Technoplex® (a complete contrast to our award-winning hands-off Hipsters’ Reward®), and of course the pioneering release of the Unicorn – the aspirational super-luxury wine – which deservedly sold out on April 1.
We exemplify the antithesis of our competitors’ typical scattergun Russian roulette, and untargeted aimless wild west antics, where they proceed through triggered stages of ready, shoot, then aim. These bottom-feeding parasites with their snouts in the trough of the gravy train are devoid of aptitude, integrity and immune to the imminent zeitgeist.
My 2020 vision is all-seeing, encompassing numerous vistas, and the willing, excited participation of all team-members can see Stoney Goose Ridge continue its thrilling whirlwind juggernaut blitzkreig.
Wishing all staff a festively merry silly season with family and loved ones; return refreshed and ready to comply absolutely to management demands for sustained dedication to the hyberbolic growth of Stoney Goose Ridge, its exceptional expanding suite of products and comprehensive respect for the calibre and guidance of its Olympian leadership.
Your fraternal paradigm in resolute solidarity, Hector Lannible
Hector Lannible’s 2019 EOY address to Stoney Goose Ridge staff
Striking examples of wines with “three letter acronym” names (TLA) include MSG (mourvedre/shiraz/grenache) and more recently the blend of Grenache, Shiraz and Tempranillo), GST.
Stoney Goose Ridge adds to this memorable pantheon with TCA - a fabulous blend of Touriga, Cabernet Sauvignon and Aglianico, matured in specially selected barrels. TCA - once tasted – never forgotten! Its striking, distinctive, idiosyncratic and unique, and just in time for the new year. Easy to pronounce, exotically perfumed, educational, and fantastically textured.
Several members of the wine-craft assembly unit had reservations with the proposed nomenclature, but were unable to convincingly articulate their contention, and their caution was resoundingly dismissed. Thus TCA came to fruition!
It’s certainly been a notable year; as well as the newest addition to our portfolio of TCA, we launched Miraculous Maximus Technoplex® (a complete contrast to our award-winning hands-off Hipsters’ Reward®), and of course the pioneering release of the Unicorn – the aspirational super-luxury wine – which deservedly sold out on April 1.
We exemplify the antithesis of our competitors’ typical scattergun Russian roulette, and untargeted aimless wild west antics, where they proceed through triggered stages of ready, shoot, then aim. These bottom-feeding parasites with their snouts in the trough of the gravy train are devoid of aptitude, integrity and immune to the imminent zeitgeist.
My 2020 vision is all-seeing, encompassing numerous vistas, and the willing, excited participation of all team-members can see Stoney Goose Ridge continue its thrilling whirlwind juggernaut blitzkreig.
Wishing all staff a festively merry silly season with family and loved ones; return refreshed and ready to comply absolutely to management demands for sustained dedication to the hyberbolic growth of Stoney Goose Ridge, its exceptional expanding suite of products and comprehensive respect for the calibre and guidance of its Olympian leadership.
Your fraternal paradigm in resolute solidarity, Hector Lannible
-
Waiters Friend
- Posts: 2782
- Joined: Mon May 02, 2005 4:09 am
- Location: Perth WA
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Following the trend of three letter acronym names, I know of a winery that will shortly be bottling a blend of shiraz, touriga and durif. Perhaps said winery should engage Mr Lannible as a marketing consultant?
Wine, women and song. Ideally, you can experience all three at once.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Hector Lannible's latest release is below. A much longer version is at my blog https://sweetworldwines.com
The Black
“The Australian wine industry is going through hard times. The bushfires over summer destroyed several vineyards, and smoke taint ensured that some producers will not make wines in 2020. Of course, Stoney Goose Ridge is immune to these issues- our grape sourcing arrangements and visionary contracts ensure zero exposure to these misfortunes.
“Stoney Goose Ridge has been affected by the pandemic; my executive team will suffer a remuneration buzzcut and selected staff have been redeployed to non-compensated external positions.
“We sometimes feel sorry for our competitors – their ham-fisted efforts mirror lambs in the headlights unable to talk turkey. Today I celebrate a stunning, and timely release. Once more we leapfrog our opponents and snooker them into zugzwang, seizing the window of opportunity with open arms.
“You may recall Spinal Tap’s famous black album – “none more black”. Or Prince’s black album? What a concept! Can you set a wine to heavy, with the volume turned up to eleven? Sure!
“We used deeply coloured and flavoured varieties- Zinfandel, Saperavi, Mataro, Durif and Tannat, picked when very ripe, pressed hard with some juice run off. With perfectly legal tannin additions, and matured in highly charred barrels, this is one hefty, solid inky black wine.
“It weighs in at a substantial – but balanced, 16% alcohol. It tastes confronting- this is a full-on wine with monumental tannins that demands high-octane food to attempt to tame it; something substantial. Power to the max. Pedal to the metal. Not for wimps. You have been warned. We’re focussed at the cutting edge of the slipstream here, putting the hammer down to jump through hoops.
“I proudly debut “The Black”.
“A burly, bruising wine for heroes, it won’t suffer the ravages of time. Not for moderates, this wine is crafted for hardcore wild extremist thrillseekers living on the brink. Drink it now with the benefit of a day’s decant, or wait as many decades as possible before opening. Age shall not weary them. The challenge awaits. Who dares, wins.
“Stoney Goose Ridge’s “the Black” - Available in your very finest wine outlets from 1 April, RRP AUS$25, £11, US$15, €10
The Black
“The Australian wine industry is going through hard times. The bushfires over summer destroyed several vineyards, and smoke taint ensured that some producers will not make wines in 2020. Of course, Stoney Goose Ridge is immune to these issues- our grape sourcing arrangements and visionary contracts ensure zero exposure to these misfortunes.
“Stoney Goose Ridge has been affected by the pandemic; my executive team will suffer a remuneration buzzcut and selected staff have been redeployed to non-compensated external positions.
“We sometimes feel sorry for our competitors – their ham-fisted efforts mirror lambs in the headlights unable to talk turkey. Today I celebrate a stunning, and timely release. Once more we leapfrog our opponents and snooker them into zugzwang, seizing the window of opportunity with open arms.
“You may recall Spinal Tap’s famous black album – “none more black”. Or Prince’s black album? What a concept! Can you set a wine to heavy, with the volume turned up to eleven? Sure!
“We used deeply coloured and flavoured varieties- Zinfandel, Saperavi, Mataro, Durif and Tannat, picked when very ripe, pressed hard with some juice run off. With perfectly legal tannin additions, and matured in highly charred barrels, this is one hefty, solid inky black wine.
“It weighs in at a substantial – but balanced, 16% alcohol. It tastes confronting- this is a full-on wine with monumental tannins that demands high-octane food to attempt to tame it; something substantial. Power to the max. Pedal to the metal. Not for wimps. You have been warned. We’re focussed at the cutting edge of the slipstream here, putting the hammer down to jump through hoops.
“I proudly debut “The Black”.
“A burly, bruising wine for heroes, it won’t suffer the ravages of time. Not for moderates, this wine is crafted for hardcore wild extremist thrillseekers living on the brink. Drink it now with the benefit of a day’s decant, or wait as many decades as possible before opening. Age shall not weary them. The challenge awaits. Who dares, wins.
“Stoney Goose Ridge’s “the Black” - Available in your very finest wine outlets from 1 April, RRP AUS$25, £11, US$15, €10
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
Hector Lannible's latest release is below. A much longer version is at my blog [url]https://sweetworldwines.com[/url]
Stoney Goose Ridge releases a very ancient whisky!
Merely eighteen months ago, Stoney Goose Ridge rewarded customers with Two Fingers (gin) and the Old Wood Duck (vodka). Now, we aggressively initiate another triumphant brand extension foray into the finest luxury icon upper-echelon of single-malt whisky.
Stoney Goose Ridge is not another Jock come lately.
I, Hector Lannible approached various vanguard Scottish Speyside and Highland whisky producers seeking an ultra-premium minimum 20-year-old whisky. Maltmasters were humbled by my expertise, and technically descriptive lyricism. While making shrewd purchases, several companies proved disappointingly mediocre in the calibre of even their best samples, and no parcels were selected.
I am contractually obligated to conceal names of existing participating companies we sourced material from, but their identities are deservedly known amongst authentic cognoscenti.
Stoney Goose Ridge also hunted down extinct businesses, including those taken over or on-sold. We uncovered dusty barrels under staircases, in forgotten or abandoned storerooms, sheds, stables, outbuildings, pantries and other neglected areas.
We incorporated material from defunct companies including Glenhaggis, Glenweebairn, Glensporran, Glenferrie, Glenshandy, GlenGreyfriars, Glenlochkirk, Glenbampot, Glenmashie, Glenlassie, Glenspurtle and Glendinnaken.
There are components from twenty companies, with each whisky element at least twenty years old.
Proudly, Stoney Goose Ridge generously releases Glen 20.
Truly, it’s a worthy unrepeatable homage to Scots terroir. It comes complete with exceptionally lavish packaging, bristling with features including a stylish integrated resealable cascading dispensary apparatus.
We are aware of another product loosely with a vaguely similar sounding nomenclature. Our armada of legal para-practitioners will inflict maximal embarrassment and financial penalties in myriad jurisdictions.
With an Australian RRP of $666 for Glen 20, demand will certainly outstrip supply. Voila, och aye hoots mon. A bonnie outcome! Another feather in the mighty cod-piece of Stoney Goose Ridge!
Glen 20 will be available exclusively for a limited time only from the finest worldwide beverage merchants from 1 July.
PS- This piece of satire depends on cruel crude sterotypes of the Scots, as well as meaningless corporate verbiage.
Stoney Goose Ridge releases a very ancient whisky!
Merely eighteen months ago, Stoney Goose Ridge rewarded customers with Two Fingers (gin) and the Old Wood Duck (vodka). Now, we aggressively initiate another triumphant brand extension foray into the finest luxury icon upper-echelon of single-malt whisky.
Stoney Goose Ridge is not another Jock come lately.
I, Hector Lannible approached various vanguard Scottish Speyside and Highland whisky producers seeking an ultra-premium minimum 20-year-old whisky. Maltmasters were humbled by my expertise, and technically descriptive lyricism. While making shrewd purchases, several companies proved disappointingly mediocre in the calibre of even their best samples, and no parcels were selected.
I am contractually obligated to conceal names of existing participating companies we sourced material from, but their identities are deservedly known amongst authentic cognoscenti.
Stoney Goose Ridge also hunted down extinct businesses, including those taken over or on-sold. We uncovered dusty barrels under staircases, in forgotten or abandoned storerooms, sheds, stables, outbuildings, pantries and other neglected areas.
We incorporated material from defunct companies including Glenhaggis, Glenweebairn, Glensporran, Glenferrie, Glenshandy, GlenGreyfriars, Glenlochkirk, Glenbampot, Glenmashie, Glenlassie, Glenspurtle and Glendinnaken.
There are components from twenty companies, with each whisky element at least twenty years old.
Proudly, Stoney Goose Ridge generously releases Glen 20.
Truly, it’s a worthy unrepeatable homage to Scots terroir. It comes complete with exceptionally lavish packaging, bristling with features including a stylish integrated resealable cascading dispensary apparatus.
We are aware of another product loosely with a vaguely similar sounding nomenclature. Our armada of legal para-practitioners will inflict maximal embarrassment and financial penalties in myriad jurisdictions.
With an Australian RRP of $666 for Glen 20, demand will certainly outstrip supply. Voila, och aye hoots mon. A bonnie outcome! Another feather in the mighty cod-piece of Stoney Goose Ridge!
Glen 20 will be available exclusively for a limited time only from the finest worldwide beverage merchants from 1 July.
PS- This piece of satire depends on cruel crude sterotypes of the Scots, as well as meaningless corporate verbiage.
Re: News from Stony Goose Ridge
I trust all ingredients, distillation and maturity of this amazing Glen 20 offering, is solely from origin of Speyside and Highland?
Re: News from Stony Goose ysideRidge
Verbatim from Hector Lannible.
"Records entirely support that Glen 20 is 100% from Highlands and Speyside.
It is proprietory information concerning blend proportions and ages of each component; the wizardry of my blending compilation will no doubt microscopically be analysed by astute maltmasters to see if they can absorb my mastery of synergistic assemblage. Assorted writers will be seeking clues on my background and extraordinary expertise, but the result is a fait accompli.
Historical societies, geneologists and others will benefit from Stoney Goose Ridge's archeological endeavours.
Appreciate that the records are fatally faded, fragile, fragmentary; they are crabbed, cramped, contemporaneous and cursive; handscrawed with pen, pencil, chalk and charcoal. Nevertheless, despite some evidentiary shortcomings, numerous supporting affadavits from survivors entirely substantiate the integrity of our incredibly unique offering.
Indeed, the average age appears to be around 25 years, with some ingredients much older. With the "angel's share", we have a spectacular diminution in the quantity of product available; albeit compensated by the additional complexity and concentration of the remnant nectar.
So Glen 20 is a superb, ancient whisky exemplifying Speyside and Highland authentic attributes.
Already, there have been secretive offers of further unattributable material - and it is no secret that Stoney Goose Ridge is intent on a similar wonder representing the pinnacle of the heavily-peated Islay style"
"Records entirely support that Glen 20 is 100% from Highlands and Speyside.
It is proprietory information concerning blend proportions and ages of each component; the wizardry of my blending compilation will no doubt microscopically be analysed by astute maltmasters to see if they can absorb my mastery of synergistic assemblage. Assorted writers will be seeking clues on my background and extraordinary expertise, but the result is a fait accompli.
Historical societies, geneologists and others will benefit from Stoney Goose Ridge's archeological endeavours.
Appreciate that the records are fatally faded, fragile, fragmentary; they are crabbed, cramped, contemporaneous and cursive; handscrawed with pen, pencil, chalk and charcoal. Nevertheless, despite some evidentiary shortcomings, numerous supporting affadavits from survivors entirely substantiate the integrity of our incredibly unique offering.
Indeed, the average age appears to be around 25 years, with some ingredients much older. With the "angel's share", we have a spectacular diminution in the quantity of product available; albeit compensated by the additional complexity and concentration of the remnant nectar.
So Glen 20 is a superb, ancient whisky exemplifying Speyside and Highland authentic attributes.
Already, there have been secretive offers of further unattributable material - and it is no secret that Stoney Goose Ridge is intent on a similar wonder representing the pinnacle of the heavily-peated Islay style"