NWR: An Apology

[monghead]

Dear all,

It has come to my attention that some of my comments have unintentionally upset others on the forum. I am referring to the use of the term "wifey" in many of my posts. My wife and I use this as a term of endearment, and unbeknownst to us it has derogatory connotations. In fact, when I mentioned it to her, she had abit of a laugh. I am sorry to others on the forum who have felt uncomfortable when they read my posts referring to my wife in that manner, as I can assure you it is quite the opposite. I apologise, and will refrain from using such language again.

On that note, I got to thinking of other little terms I slosh around quite alot, and should explain:

- "guys"- I mean this in the general sense of people (female and male), not to be chauvinistic...
- "mate"- I mean this as a colloquial greeting, not to be over-familiar or condescending...

Kind regards,

Monghead.

[odyssey]

If there's a derogatory meaning then it must be pretty darn obscure, as every single instance in Urban Dictionary has a positive connotation, and that's bloody unusual (in fact it's completely unheard of)!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wifey

Generally if there is any possible negative connotation then Urban Dictionary will have it.

[TiggerK]

Dear monghead and wifey,

I think it was obvious to us all that your use of the term wifey was meant as the most sincere form of affection, as is clear from your posting history (and having met you both). I assume someone PM'ed you, rather than have the courage to pose the question via the forums.....

It is frustrating that others would deem their personal values to be so superior and their sensitivities so great that they felt it necessary to judge others, without them knowing you or even without posing a polite public query, giving us all the chance to support you.

Me and the missus feel you can and should continue to use the wifey term of endearment whenever you wish.

Cheers
TiggerK

[Luke W]

does this level of PC mean that we can no longer call wines white or red?

[odyssey]

Tim said it perfectly.

I think it is absolutely unreasonable to expect you to change your beloved term of endearment with your wife which you have both shared for, what 14 years, which she enjoys and for which there is absolutely no indication that this is a derogatory term in Australia (in fact all evidence indicates to the contrary), just to please an overly sensitive stranger who does not know your wife.

If somebody tried to order me to change a beloved term of endearment for my partner I'd tell em where to go stick their bottle of wine. It's dark but it aint a cellar.

[Waiters Friend]

G'day Monghead

Given the quality and quantity of 1996 wines you both have shared, I have no doubt anyone thinks you are using the term 'wifey' in a derogatory sense. Keep the monthly posts coming.

Personally, it is a term that makes me cringe, but I will defend your right to use it if it suits you both.

Cheers

Allan

[Mike Hawkins]

I can't believe, given the way you phrase your posts, anyone could be offended. Anyway Mong, I commend you on being a man (hope that doesn't come across as sexist.....) and apologising. It's better to say sorry and move on, than to try to justify yourself or get into a debate.

Mike

PS - I had a super bottle of 96 Rockford Basket Press earlier in the week...

[xsorxpire]

My goodness.
I am a member of another forum and the most polite response you would get there for this person and their problem would be to take a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up.

You speak of your wife as you wish. If she were not happy with it there is no way you would say it so often nor publicly.

No apology required.

[daz]

Bloody ridiculous!

[KMP]

People actually complained about using wifey? So I supposed "the wife", "the missus", "she who must be obeyed", "my old lady", "my better half", "the old ball and chain", "the little woman", "her indoors", "trouble and strife" "bag for life", "fork and knife" etc etc are out as well?

Mike

[dave vino]

Only thing I can think of is the Wifey series of pr0n movies and stuff that people might take offence to.

A friend told me about them

[Craig(NZ)]

You bl%%y Australians are so damn bigotted

take a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up.

I'm going to use that saying today, somewhere, somehow hehe

[gpk]

Incredible, but good on ya Monghead for posting this one, the responses have provided some laughs this morning . No apology needed, someone needs to have a few glasses and chill out.

p.s. I should start posting some of the words of endearment my wife uses to me when the cc bill comes in some months to sign off posts to really liven things up!!!

cheers Gerry

[Bick]

It has come to my attention that some of my comments have unintentionally upset others on the forum.

Name and shame them, Monghead, we need to know who is so precious and PC

[pstarr]

Sheesh, you think they'd have a crack at the "monghead" thing before "wifey". FWIW, I do find the former offensive and the latter innocuous.

[monghead]

It has come to my attention that some of my comments have unintentionally upset others on the forum.

Name and shame them, Monghead, we need to know who is so precious and PC

No, I wouldn't do that.

Actually, I thought the PM took alot of courage, and was phrased very nicely. I have no hard feelings.

Monghead.

[monghead]

Jeez,

In posting this, I was actually expecting a barrage of people actually confirming that I should stop using the term. What has resulted is indeed an amusing start to the morning as gpk says, and I guess it is interesting to see people's views on such issues as freedom of speech/slander on a public forum...

Thanks all for your kind comments. Anyways, don't worry, it will take alot more than this to make me stop posting.

Cheers all,

Monghead.

[monghead]

Sheesh, you think they'd have a crack at the "monghead" thing before "wifey". FWIW, I do find the former offensive and the latter innocuous.

Yeah, that monghead thing is from high school...

Hey, wait a minute, to quote the wise xsorxpire, "

take a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up.

Might have just beaten you to it Craig...

[orpheus]

Only thing I can think of is the Wifey series of pr0n movies and stuff that people might take offence to.

A friend told me about them

Dave, I don't believe you.

[Michael McNally]

Happy to out myself.

I sent a PM to Monghead and told him that the use of the term 'wifey made me uncomfortable and I found it, as I put it to him, "mildly offensive". I sent him a PM because I enjoy his posts and wanted to raise the matter with him privately, not because I am a coward (though I am a coward). I did not ask him to stop using the term. I did not ask him to apologise to me or to anyone else. I simply stated what I felt about the use of the term.

Some of you obviously believe this is "political correctness" gone mad (some of you vehemently so). I do not. Words have meaning and some words can have neegative meaning to groups of people. I think terms that try to portray someone as part of a group, rather than as an individual, can have negative meaning. Terms like She Who Must Be Obeyed or The Missus can denote someone by a category rather than as a person.

Maybe we should just go back to calling Indigenous Australians 'boongs', and be done with it (and no I am not equating the term 'wifey' with the term 'boong', it's hyperbole).

I had my concrete on my cornflakes this morning - so let er rip!

Cheers

Michael

[roughred]

I lurk more than post nowadays so maybe my opinion is null and void, but that is just straight out cat throwing crazy.

Monghead I take no issue at all with terms that imply the presence of spousal attributes. Gotta love that urban dictionary. I would have throught a history of valuable contribution to the forum would see people show the benefit of the doubt in such instances rather than extreme over-sensitivity.

[Craig(NZ)]

Terms like She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Haha, that's a funny term but if people learnt the truth of the matter which is "It is easier to gain forgiveness than permission" then there wouldn't be a need for that title anyway

[GraemeG]

Jeez,

In posting this, I was actually expecting a barrage of people actually confirming that I should stop using the term. What has resulted is indeed an amusing start to the morning as gpk says, and I guess it is interesting to see people's views on such issues as freedom of speech/slander on a public forum...

Thanks all for your kind comments. Anyways, don't worry, it will take alot more than this to make me stop posting.

Cheers all,

Monghead.

Your apology has apparently upset more people than your initial offence.
Now you'll have to apologise for both your original action, and its subsequent apology.
This could get ugly.
G

[Craig(NZ)]

Your apology has apparently upset more people than your initial offence.
Now you'll have to apologise for both your original action, and its subsequent apology.
This could get ugly.

Yeah but its one of the more amusing threads we have had for a long time!! If you apologise for apologising you may offend someone then you will need to apologise to them too.......

If "missus" or "wifey" etc offend you, then go back to church and pray we heathens see the error in our ways. Honestly are we having a giraffe here? Did I say bring back Paul Henry?

[vt]

Happy to out myself.

I sent a PM to Monghead and told him that the use of the term 'wifey made me uncomfortable and I found it, as I put it to him, "mildly offensive". I sent him a PM because I enjoy his posts and wanted to raise the matter with him privately, not because I am a coward (though I am a coward). I did not ask him to stop using the term. I did not ask him to apologise to me or to anyone else. I simply stated what I felt about the use of the term.

Some of you obviously believe this is "political correctness" gone mad (some of you vehemently so). I do not. Words have meaning and some words can have neegative meaning to groups of people. I think terms that try to portray someone as part of a group, rather than as an individual, can have negative meaning. Terms like She Who Must Be Obeyed or The Missus can denote someone by a category rather than as a person.

Maybe we should just go back to calling Indigenous Australians 'boongs', and be done with it (and no I am not equating the term 'wifey' with the term 'boong', it's hyperbole).

I had my concrete on my cornflakes this morning - so let er rip!

Cheers

Michael

So what exactly is the issue with wifey?

I was just going to post with a hundred lines of "wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey wifey etc etc"

But I am now intrigued as to what negative their is with wifey.

I called my wifey a "beached whale" this morning as she is in her 3rd trimester. She retorted fatso.

[Gavin Trott]

Hey

We're very very tolerant on this forum

After all

Craig (NZ) still posts here



.

[JF]

This is hilarious.

[Peter Schlesinger]

Happy to out myself.

Words have meaning and some words can have neegative meaning to groups of people. I think terms that try to portray someone as part of a group, rather than as an individual, can have negative meaning. Terms like She Who Must Be Obeyed or The Missus can denote someone by a category rather than as a person.

Maybe we should just go back to calling Indigenous Australians 'boongs', and be done with it (and no I am not equating the term 'wifey' with the term 'boong', it's hyperbole).

Cheers

Michael

Interesting conversation conducted with courtesy by both parties. You are right about the power of words Michael. They can trigger inexplicable responses in people. I recall a (mercifully) short lived flurry over 'Coon Cheese', the legendary exchange between Bert Newton and Muhammad Ali (I like the boy) and even the experiences of a friend who was almost punched out by an African American bar man in the States for ordering a long black coffee (they call these things Americanos - I've even seen the the term used in Scotland). Everyone is entitled to their feelings and it's good to see that concerns and differences can still be managed in a civilised way.

Cheers, Peter

[rens]

Interesting conversation conducted with courtesy by both parties. You are right about the power of words Michael. They can trigger inexplicable responses in people....
Everyone is entitled to their feelings and it's good to see that concerns and differences can still be managed in a civilised way.

Agreed.

[KMP]

............. and even the experiences of a friend who was almost punched out by an African American bar man in the States for ordering a long black coffee (they call these things Americanos - I've even seen the the term used in Scotland). Everyone is entitled to their feelings and it's good to see that concerns and differences can still be managed in a civilised way.

Cheers, Peter

Australian coffee names are a great example of the way simple words could get you into trouble. Asking for a long black or a flat white could be a problem here in the US but probably not in the same places. I once used the "great Australian adjective" (bloody) in the presence of a good friend of mine here in the US and he was shocked by it because he had been told by someone that it was a bad swear word! OTOH the F word is used (although sometimes bleeped) on (cable) TV.

Mike