The Auswine Forum

Who wrote this about the Australian Show system?

This entails wearing a white coat; scribbling one’s tasting notes on a clipboard; tasting 3000 competently made but ultimately unexciting six-month-old Chardonnays before breakfast; arguing half-heartedly with other judges about the merits of wine 16 in class 5; drinking Coopers Pale Ale by the keg-full and sleeping with the associate judges and/or stewards. International guest judges are also required to make gently self-depreciating and mildly critical speeches at interminable judges’ dinners where the local vignerons and their families dress up in ill-fitting tuxedos and sit around in small tables in sagging marquees in soggy paddocks and shovel down plates groaning with innovative regional Australia cuisine and drink as much of the trophy-winning wines as they can fit into their bloated bellies.

QmA

Nothing?

They also wrote this about the New Zealand system

This entails wearing a white coat; scribbling one’s tasting notes on a clipboard; tasting 3000 competently made but ultimately unexciting six-month-old Sauvignon Blancs before breakfast; arguing half-heartedly with other judges about the merits of wine 16 in class 5; drinking Steinlager by the keg-full and sleeping with the associate judges the stewards and the regional PR girl. International guest judges are also required to make gently self-depreciating and mildly critical speeches at interminable judges’ dinners where the local vignerons and their families dress up in ill-fitting tuxedos and sit around in small tables in sagging marquees in soggy paddocks and shovel down plates groaning with innovative regional New Zealand cuisine and drink as much of the trophy-winning wines as they can fit into their bloated bellies.

Max Allen?

Andy

Anything stylishly written I automatically suspect to be by Jancis, but there's a note of sarcasm about this that prompts me to go for Andrew Jefford...?

cheers,
Graeme

No, both wrong although Andy is closer than Graeme.

QmA

And of the Californian Show system:

This entails wearing a white coat; scribbling one’s tasting notes on a clipboard; tasting 3000 competently made but ultimately unexciting six-month-old Zinfandels before breakfast; arguing half-heartedly with other judges about the merits of wine 16 in class 5; drinking seasonal ale from the local micro-brewery by the keg-full and sleeping with the associate judges the stewards and the regional PR boy. International guest judges are also required to make gently self-depreciating and mildly critical speeches at interminable judges’ dinners where the local vignerons and their families dress up in ill-fitting tuxedos and sit around in small tables in sagging marquees in soggy paddocks and shovel down plates groaning with innovative modern Californian cuisine and drink mineral water.

QmA

The late Mark Shield?

cheers,
Graeme

HRH Jancis R?

Mark K

No, not Mark

or Queen Jancis either, but she'd probably identify with the English Show system:

This entails wearing a white coat; scribbling one’s tasting notes on the back of envelope; tasting three or four dozen rather lacklustre Reichensteiners before tea; arguing passionately with other judges about the the merits of the Telegraph's new wine columnist; drinking seasonal Champagne and sleeping with one's secretary. International guest judges are also required to make gently self-depreciating and mildly critical speeches at interminable judges’ dinners where the local vignerons and their families dress up in ill-fitting tuxedos and sit around in small tables in sagging hotels and shovel down plates groaning with innovative regional Australian cuisine and drink as much of the after dinner Port as they can fit into their bloated bellies.

QmA

Hugh Johnson?

Michael Broadbent?

Just a couple of wild guesses.

Cheers
Phil

Great stuff, QMA

Sounds like the intellectualisms of someone like the indefatigable Doctor John Middleton, to me.

Whoever it is, I like your style

Malcolm Gluck?

No all wrong.

Quizmasters Apprentice wins!!

The Author of all those comments, and a couple more related to the French and South African Shows, is Oberon Kant AO BSE.

They come from his landmark book published in 2002 Oberon Kant's Big Book of Wine.

From it's forward authored by Sir Les Patterson to it's incisive Glossary (Regulated Deficit Irrigation: a bowel spasm experienced by a vigneron when noticing his grapes are petiole qv), Kant's tome provides insights into the world of wine you'll find nowhere else.

Oberon first came to national prominance as part of the Spittoon team along with legal advisor James Holliday and Donna Hey! - Recipe Chick and Dead Smart Food Stylist.

Further information can be found at www.spittoon.com.au .

You guys better pick up your game or I'll give the password to the TechTeam Defacements Crew again.

QmA