When I order wine at a nice restaurant, the server hands me the cork. What am I supposed to do with the stupid cork?
Melissa
Dear Molester,
This is your opportunity to show off your fine breeding. Confidently grab the cork and sniff daintily with one nostril while inserting a finger into the other nostril, up to the second knuckle. If the cork's odor is agreeable, take a bite of the cork and chew it while shuddering in delight. Then grab your throat, bug out your eyes, and make a choking noise. Grab a pen and write "Heimlich Maneuver" on a napkin and wave it for help. When no one offers to help, throw yourself over the back of a chair, land on your sternum, and spit cork debris in the direction of anyone who appears to be reaching for a disposable camera to record your death. Then sit back down and say to the server, "Very good."
The visual demonstration of the Dogbert technique can be found here. They have even demonstrated the fine art of spitting (as opposed to swallowing) when tasting. We all know that its very unprofessional to swallow the wine you are tasting as it impairs your judgement. Their advice is to spit horizontally at tasters who may be nearby, as demonstrated here. When they beat a hasty retreat to clean up you swallow their wine.
